IF I was served the cheeseburger and fries I just had at Balmain’s Town Hall Hotel for lunch back in the USA I would need to affirm my 2nd Amendment rights.

The fries were so salty that they left that god-damn awful burning sensation on your tongue and throat as if you were hit by a wave and tumbled in the ocean hoping that you eventually come up for air.

The burger – which was eaten within three bites – was ordinary and my displeasure with it was further exacerbated by the slice of processed cheese.

The only good thing was the wagyu patty which was cooked medium and held together but was let down by the displeasurable mass of other components.

To add insult further I was charged $17 for the experience.

The Baroness of Balmain’s seared tuna tortilla featured 5 small round “tortillas” that resembled those small wafer thin water crackers. The tuna was seared well and all in all it was a flavoursome dish but at $16 she needed at least another 3 servings.

The upstairs dining room is bright and pleasant but the high chair our Princess Lilikoi was sitting in looked as if it hadn’t been cleaned since it was bought from Ikea.

We were left hungry and needed to raid the free sausage samples cooking at TJ’s Butchers down the road just to fill up.

The pluses? They know how to pour a beer and TJ’s has the best sausages in Balmain.